If There were no blank in Hogwarts
by Reaka
Summary: Dumbledore decides to have an essay contest for both staff and students about what it would be like if a certain object didn't exist in Hogwarts. What does everyone come up with?
1. The Contest

Disclaimer: I'm only going to say this once. And then I'll repeat it at the end of the story. No, I do not own Harry Potter. I haven't come up with an imfamous plot to kidnap JK Rowling and force her to allow me to buy all rights of him. It worked for Micheal Jackson when he bought all rights to the Beatles! I'll figure something out when I get my plot.

Reaka: I am back from the dead! I've had absolutely no inspiration to even get a fic written. This was inspired by a dream that I had a few weeks ago, so I'm going to actually take that dream and put it to good use. Here's the first chapter!

If There were no (Blank) in Hogwarts

It was another nice day in Hogwarts. The students filed into the Great Hall to their seats for breakfast. Harry and Ron wiped the sleep from their eyes as they sat down. Hermione was already waiting for them, scrawling away at the last bit of homework.

Albus Dumbledore stood up, and the room of students and professors went silent.

" Good morning students," said Dumbledore. " I have a special announcement to make. In celebration of the end of the school year, I've decided to make a sort of essay contest. The topic shall be, " If there was no (blank) in Hogwarts." The student that can come up with the best one will be exempt from the exams and earn their house 500 points. Professors are more than welcome to enter the contest too. If they win, they get a 100 Galleon raise. Any questions?"

Hermione Granger raised her hand.

" Professor Dumbledore," she said. " How will the winner be determined?"

" By a vote from the student and staff vote," Dumbledore explained. " Students will come up to read their essays. While they're reading there will be a movie-like screen behind them. The image that we get from reading the essays will determine where everyone's votes will go. Then we vote, and we pick the top three."

" But we can't read the same essays again," Hermione said.

" That is true, we can't," Dumbledore agreed, " So we shall do what's expected of us and do karaoke for the top three." (AN: I'm going cliche, I know. But what the hell? There's a lot of songs I'd like people to sing.)

Some of the students, which had old cow voices, groaned at the thought of another karaoke contest.

" How many karaoke contests is this now?" Ron asked.

" It's not a karaoke contest," Hermione corrected. " It's an essay contest. The karaoke's for the top three."

Harry and Ron nodded. They really didn't care. Contest or not, people still had to sing, and they were still forced to listen to them.

" Now then," Dumbledore said. " Classes, for today, have been cancelled so that students and staff have time to write their essays. I suggest that you all find a song too, so that way incase you're on the top three, you're prepared. All essays must be turned in before midnight, and they will be read starting at noon tomorrow. There will be breaks every three hours so you don't have to suffer. Now, happy writing!"

Suddenly Draco shot up his hand.

" Do we have a limit on whatever we pick to make disappear from Hogwarts?" he asked. " Could we even say if there wasn't a person in Hogwarts? Or no sex? Or anything like that?"

" No limits," Dumbledore answered. " Be as creative as you want. Now have fun!"

The students were dismissed to start writing their essays.

Reaka: There's your start. I'm very open to suggestions as well, so you can go right ahead and suggest away! See you next chapter!


	2. Broomsticks

Disclaimer: It isn't mine. As much as I want it to be, it's not. So cry me a river. One day, I will kidnap JK. Just watch. I will do that one day.

Reaka: Hello everyone! I'm glad my first chapter got such a great response! Here are my responses to the viewers.

Christi Mc-Intyre: I will definently use your suggestion. I was planning on doing that too. But which part to use...that would be the question. Thank you!

magereader895: Thank you so much! As much as I love the karaoke fics, it is getting to be a little much. So I had to do something different. haha.

Now that that's over with, here's some notes for what I'm going to do with the chapters from now on. Here's the lay down. Whenever an essay is being read, it will be italics. The actual movie part will be in bold text. It should be entertaining. Now here's chapter 1!

Broomsticks

The students filed into the Great Hall faster than ever the next morning. They were curious on what each of their peers had actually wrote about in their essay. When the last student was in the room, and everyone had eaten their fill at breakfast, Dumbledore stood up and silenced the crowd.

" Students, and teachers, this is the day you have all been waiting for. Today we'll be reading our papers and watching the movie that comes from them. No one has read these ahead of time, and this is the first time anyone has looked at them."

Dumbledore waved his wand, and then a box appeared in the sky. Suddenly, it dropped with a crash.

" These are your papers that you have written," Dumbledore explained. " I'm going to randomly select one essay from this box. The student, or teacher, that this belongs to will come up on stage and read it to the audience. The best movie we get wins. Professor Snape, will you do the honors of selecting the first box?"

Snape scowled as he got up from his chair and went to the box. He thrust his hand inside the box and pulled it out quickly as if he was being bitten by something inside. He handed it to Dumbledore and hurried back into his seat.

" The first essay will be ' If There were no Broomsticks in Hogwarts' by Dean Thomas."

Dean nervously got up from Gryffindor table and walked to the stage. The Gryffindors cheered him on enthusiastically while the Slytherins chanted things like, " Dean is gay! Dean is gay!" Gulping, Dean took his parchment from Dumbledore and stood up to the audience. The movie screen behind him turned into a silver color.

_Hogwarts is the best place to go when you want a magical experience. We use our wands for magic, fly with our broomsticks, and we even play Quidditch with them. But what happens when there are no broomsticks? What do we use to fly around with then?_

**Kids were flying around on broomsticks, using their wands, and having a good old time playing Quidditch. Suddenly, all of the broomsticks disappear, and everyone flying around falls down on their butts. The kids get up and rub their butts in pain.**

_If there were no broomsticks in Hogwarts, it would not be as great of a place to live. But there would be an alternative to flying around. Professors would break into the houses of many innocent Muggles and steal the ketchup bottles from them, right under their nose._

**Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape fly on their ketchup bottles to a Muggle city.**

**" Split up," Dumbledore said, " We need to get more ketchup bottles for our students! They're starting to run scarce in the wizarding world, and our young witches and wizards need to fly! Go! Steal more bottles!"**

**By pointing the opening of their ketchup bottles backwards, the professors squeezed them and pushed on forward to random chimneys of Muggle houses. Snape stopped directly on top of a chimney and pointed his bottle upwards. He descended down the chimney, head first, but he suddenly got stuck.**

**" Minverva! Albus! Are one of you around!" Snape asked. " I'm stuck in a chimney! Someone help me!"**

**Snape's feet kicked rapidly while hanging out of the chimney. Dumbledore and McGonagall didn't even bother to help get him out. They just left him there as they robbed everyone of their bottles of ketchup. Once they were done and about to leave, they pulled him out of the chimney and left.**

_Many Muggles would be mad that there was some kind of theif stealing their ketchup. At first, they use it as an excuse to get rid of the crazy person living two houses down from them, but when the thefts keep getting worse, they call the cops. But the cops can't do anything because the bottles are all in Hogwarts. And if they tried getting anywhere near them, they'd have an anti-Muggle spell against them._

_The kids in Hogwarts would all be so happy that there was something for them to fly around with. They would squeeze their ketchup bottles all around the school, and they could actually be flown inside the halls at Hogwarts. Less people would be late for their classes because not only would their transportaion be smaller than a broomstick, but it would also automatically know which class to go to and what speed to go at to get them there._

**The halls in Hogwarts looked like a highway. People were flying around in all different directions to get to their classes. Some of the professors dressed up as Muggle policemen started chasing down students in their own ketchup bottles to give them speeding tickets.**

**" Ten points from Ravenclaw Ms. Lovegood for going over the bottle speed limit," Snape says as he hands Luna her ticket.**

**" But I was only flying at 25, not 30!" Luna protested.**

**" Would you like another ticket for talking back to a professor and/or an officer?" Snape asked. Luna started to fly away.**

**" I'll see you in Dumbledore's Court!" Luna called back.**

_Just think about how fun Quidditch games would be!_

**Harry dives down to go after the Snitch, nearly hitting Fred and George along the way. Just as he caught the Snitch, he rolled on to the ground.**

**" This is dangerous," Harry muttered. " But it's fun!"**

_So this is why I think if there were no broomsticks in Hogwarts, we would all be riding ketchup bottles. It would be a lot more fun to get to classes, and Quidditch would be more exciting._

The Muggle-borns cheered with the nice paper that Dean wrote. The Purebloods, except the Slytherins, clapped in amusement at the movie that showed up on the screen. When all was quiet again, Dumbledore stood up and addressed everyone.

" Excellent work, Mr. Thomas," Dumbledore said, " That was quite creative! Now, please draw out one essay from the box."

Dean put his hand in the box, and after moving it around in there for a while, he took out a piece of parchment and handed it to the Headmaster.

" The next person in line is..."

Reaka: That's it for now. How did you guys like it? Was it entertaining? I hope so. Help me with suggestions for the next one! I'll put the best one I find on in the next chapter. But this will be my last entry for a while. I'm moving, and I don't know when the internet will be availible to me again. Until then, see you soon!


	3. Draco Malfoy

Disclaimer: Shut up.

Reaka: Christi-McIntyre, that's the coolest idea! I'm so using that for this chapter! This is for you!

To the Reviewers!

Rin: I'm using your idea in the next chapter. Hehehe

Christi-McIntyre: You rock! Thanks!

Rox n' Sox: Thank you very much!

Well, now that that's done and over with it's time for the next chapter! It's been a while since I last updated, so I'm going to go over how I did everything again. Whenever it's in normal font, that's when you hear the actual story. The italics mean that an essay is being read, and when it's in bold, that's when you read about the actions in the movie that everyone is watching. Everyone get it? If you don't, it'll be easier to understand when you actually read the story.

Draco Malfoy

Dean Thomas put his hand in the essay box and kept it in there for a few moments before actually taking out another essay. Dumbledore took it from him and read the name.

" Pansy Parkinson!" Dumbledore called out. The Slytherins clapped and cheered loudly as Pansy waddled out of her sead and plodded up to the stage. Draco was the only Slytherin that didn't clap as Pansy blew a kiss to him. He hid the urge to throw up. Dumbledore handed her her essay. While twirling her hair, she began reading.

_" Draco Malfoy is, like, the hottest guy in this whole school. No, his is the ONLY hot guy in this school. He's tall, he's muscular, he's sexy, and he makes all the girls dress up sexy only for him. Underneath our Hogwarts robes, we're all wearing sexy leather clothes, just waiting for Draco Malfoy to take us all!"_

**Draco was being shown spinning around in a circle, and arrows were pointing at everything sexy about him. The scene sudenly changes to Pansy, Millicent Bulstrode, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Cho Chung, Luna Lovegood, and Susan Bones standing in a line against a wall in front of Draco, who was sitting on an overstuffed throne. Suddenly, each of the girls ripped off their Hogwarts robes to reveal they were all wearing tight, leather clothes.**

**" TAKE ME DRACO!" Pansy screams and throws herself all over him. Each of the girls follows her example.**

Harry and Ron looked at the screen in amazement then looked over at Hermione, who was too in shock to respond. She closed her mouth and looked at Ron and Harry.

" Hermione," Ron said, " Do you really look like that?"

" Of course not!" Hermione replied angrilly, " I'd never wear that disgusting outfit! Look at it! My boobs are hardly covered in it! This is supposed to be an essay contest! Not an after-school special!"

Hermione looked horrified as she looked at the screen. Harry and Ron stared at it too, but they had other thoughts on their minds.

" She even put my sister on there!" Ron groaned, " That ruins it for me."

_" But what would happen if Draco Malfoy never came to this school in the first place? What would we do? How would all of us, girls live without him!"_

**Draco suddenly disappears from the screen. Pansy stands up and looks around.**

**" Dracie?" she asks, " Dracie, where are you? He's gone! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

_" If Draco Malfoy wasn't at Hogwarts, there would be no reason for girls to look sexy or whatever; with the hair and makeup and stuff because there would be no ' Hot Guys' to date. I mean, like, none of the Slytherins are attractive. Half of them are gay. And any of the other houses? Like, no! The Ravenclaws are nerds, and the Hufflepuffs are just stupid! And don't go there with the Gryffindors! I mean, Potter's got glasses! Weasley's got too much hair, and Longbottom? Ha! He can't even walk ten feet without tripping over himself! I mean, can't you see what I mean by no hot guys in the school?"_

**Pansy walked around the halls of Hogwarts, crying, because there wasn't a good-looking guy in sight of her. She looked at everyone that was mentioned in her essay, and an arrow pointed to everything wrong with them. Neville walked by her and tripped over his own foot.**

_" There is no Dracie-Wakie to look at in Hogwarts now! No one hot! So is there really any sense in living? No hot guys! I might as well just commit suicide if he never showed up in school. That would be just the totally worst thing ever!"_

**Pansy stood at the window of the Slytherin tower. She looked down at the ground below and then back to where everyone was.**

**" Good-bye cruel world," Pansy said, " There were no hot guys here anyway."**

**She jumped out the window falling faster and faster until she finally landed on the ground turning into many pieces making a classic Mortal Kombat splat. The screen faded silver again, and the movie ended.**

The whole Great Hall was silent as Pansy took a bow. Many of the guys were growling at her as she just smiled at everyone.

" I never thought I'd actually say this," Ginny whispered to Hermione, " but I feel sorry for Malfoy."

" Me too," Hermione whispered back. " That poor soul."

" Thank you Ms. Parkinson," Dumbledore said. " That was...well, interesting...please pick the next essay."

Pansy plodded over to the box and reached in for the next essay. She pulled it out and gave it to Dumbledore. Then she plodded back to her seat.

" Severus Snape, you're next."

Snape glared at the audience and snatched his parchment away from Dumbledore...

Reaka: What a way to end a chapter! I feel sorry for Draco too. Well, what did you guys think? Please review! Also, please make some suggestions for future chapters! They're much appreciated. Thank you!


	4. Rules

Disclaimer: It's not mine, ok? Leave me alone!

Reaka: Hello everyone! I'm glad I had a nice turnout for this chapter! Most of the people that read it seemed to like it!

To the Reviewers!

Twix14: Thank you for your suggestions and kind review! Both are much appreciated!

Rin: I'm loving your ideas! Hehehehehehe. Thanks!

Christi-McIntyre: I like this idea! Look for it in future chapters!

Melon: Amazing! You don't like it, yet you're still giving me a suggestion like you do! I might actually use it too! hahahahahahahaha!

Reaka: Now that that's over with, we get to hear Snape's essay! Everyone excited? I know I am! It won't happen right away, but sometime during this chapter Snape may seem out of character. So if that bothers you, I'm warning you about it now. Now let's all watch As Snape reads off to the world what Hogwarts would be like if there were no...

Rules

Snape scowled as he walked from his seat to Center Stage. Anyone that was laughing or whispering quickly shut their mouths as he took his piece of parchment from Dumbledore.

" I just want it to be known," he said, " that the only reason I even wrote one of these was because if I didn't then Professor Dumbledore would have made the rest of the year very bad for me if I didn't."

Some of the students snickered as Snape talked. He glared in every direction he heard a snicker.

" If anyone snickers from now until the end of my reading session will have 10 points taken away from their house. And I don't care which house it is either," he threatened. The whole Great Hall became silent instantly. The screen behind Snape started to glow a silver color.

_" What is it that keeps Hogwarts such a nice place to live? What is it that makes this school one of the best schools for witches and wizards everywhere? Rules. Rules are the one thing that keeps everyone in line. They are the thing that makes it easy for the professors of the school to survive another year of having thousands and thousands of students in their classrooms. With rules, professors have authority, and we can rule over these gorillas we call students! Yes, they are the best thing to happen in Hogwarts."_

**Snape's dungeon is being shown with students talking and having a good time. Right when Snape walks in the dungeon, the room becomes silent. Harry tries to whisper something to Ron, but Snape cracks a whip at him, and Harry quickly goes silent. A smirk can be seen on Snape's face as the class stays under his control.**

**" This is the life," Snape said. " Now, all of you must lick the ground to get your next potion ingredient. And if you don't, 50 points from your house."**

**The class did as they were told without question.**

"_ And whenever there was a student or two that tried to rebel, break the rules, or just tried to make you look stupid in front of your class, there was always the pleasure of giving them a detention."_

**The class was still licking the floor when Hermione Granger stood up.**

**" Ms. Granger, why are you not following the example of your students?" Snape asked.**

**" Because I have a better way of doing it," she answered. She then grabbed a small broom and some parchment and started scooping the dirt into the parchment.**

**" See?" she asked.**

**" Detention, Ms. Granger," Snape said coolly, " And 20 points from Gryffindor."**

**Harry and Ron suddenly stood up too.**

**" And why aren't you following along with the students?" Snape asked.**

**" We don't want to," Harry answered. " This is stupid."**

**" Detention, and 50 points from Gryffindor, each," Snape said simply.**

_" But what would happen if the rules suddenly disappeared? If there was no control over these unruly students? What then? If there were no rules in Hogwarts, then it would be...HELL!"_

**One by one, the students in the Potions room started to get up off the ground. Snape started to glare at them, but no one would be scared enough to go back on the ground.**

**" What are you doing?" he asked.**

**" There's no rules in Hogwarts," Seamus Finnigan replied. " Didn't you know that, Professor? You can't tell us what to do anymore."**

**Slowly, the students started advancing on Snape.**

_" Just imagine the horror out there if rules had disappeared! Students would be running around like mad werewolves and destroying everything in their path! No teacher would be safe from the wrath of one of them! They would corner me into a corner of my own room, and they would do...scary things!"_

**Harry, Ron, Hermione, Seamus, Ginny, Dean, and Neville had trapped Snape in the corner of his room. He sat there, curled up in a ball and trembling at what might happen to him. Each of the students had their wands pointed right at him.**

**" Now we've got him," Harry said. " What should we do?"**

**" We should throw coconuts at him!" Ron suggested.**

**" Nah," Ginny chimed in, " That sounds too cheesy."**

**" So let's use him as a piniata!" Neville suddenly exclaimed.**

**" That's the best idea I've ever heard!" Hermione exclaimed. " Don't let Snape tell you that you don't have brains! Let's hang him on the ceiling! Accio rope!"**

**A rope flew in the room, and Dean and Seamus proceeded to tie him up. Snape was now hanging in the middle of the room by his waist.**

**" You won't get away with this!" Snape screamed. The students merely snickered at him.**

**" Just listen to him," Seamus laughed, " ' You won't get away with this!' That's so funny!"**

**" Accio Styx!" Ron summoned. The band, Styx, flew into the room.**

**" No, not the band!" Hermione said. " But they're a good band, so let's just let them play anyway. Accio tree branches!" Seven tree branches flew in the room. Each of the students caught one.**

**" The jig is up, the news is out, they finally found me. The renegade that had it made, retrieved for a bounty!" the band sang. The students started hitting Snape with their sticks.**

**" Help!" Snape called. " Help! Please! Someone help me!"**

_" And then you know what those students will do after their done using me as a piniata? Do you? They'll sell me to gypsies! That's what they'll do! And gypsies are the scariest bunch of people in the world! Who knows what the gypsies will do once they have me!"_

**A group of gypsies came to Hogwarts. Harry and Draco stood out there waiting for them. Harry had Snape tied up so he couldn't escape, and Draco had the same done to Hagrid. Luna rushed out quickly dragging Filch along with her.**

**" You're late, Lovegood," Draco said.**

**" Better late than never," Luna replied. " I had to catch my prey."**

**The leader Gypsy emerged from the crowd and came to the three students.**

**" I am Jargon," he said. " Are these the three you wish to sell?"**

**" Yes, sir," Harry answered.**

**" We'll take the greasy one," said Jargon, " He looks the best out of all of them."**

**" What?" Draco demanded. " But he's half-giant! Don't you want that!"**

**" Where would we put him?" Jargon asked. " And this other one doesn't have anything special about him. But we'll take the cat."**

**Without any more argument, Snape and Mrs. Norris were handed over to the Gypsy leader. Snape screamed loudly. And Mrs. Norris couldnt' stop meowing.**

_" This is why we need rules in Hogwarts! Because if we didn't, then there would be hell!"_

Snape gave his piece of parchment back to Dumbledore and started to walk back to his seat, but Dumbledore stopped him.

" That was very nice, Professor," he said, " Now, will you please draw the next one?"

Snape thrust his hand in the box for a second time and took it out quickly. He read the name and had a small smirk go across his face. Then he handed it to Dumbledore.

" Please come up to the stage..."

Reaka: Who can it be? Who will this next reader be? Who should it be? I have no idea! Find out in the next chapter! Oh yeah! And for those who didn't know, the song that Styx was singing is called " Renegade." Tootles!


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